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Teaching and Drugs

Want to hear a funny story?

When I wanted to become a yoga teacher I was terrified of any form of public speaking. And it doesn’t matter how “good” at yoga you are, if you can’t communicate, you can’t teach. The idea of getting in-front of a class and saying words and constructing sentences that could be understood well enough for people to move their bodies into beautiful shapes for an entire hour made me want to pass out. I was so scared I would mess up. I was scared of not knowing enough and that people would think I was terrible and had no business teaching. But I wanted it so badly! And I knew the only way I was going to be able to get over this debilitating fear would be to get my ass up there and teach.

And so I did. And I had to take Xanax to do it! Not even kidding. I was hyperventilating before I got up to teach the first time and I needed drugs to get through it. Not very yogic of me, right? But the drugs took the edge off enough to prevent me from having a full-blown panic attack and I survived my first teaching experience. Someone legitimately yelled out while I was teaching, “We can’t hear you!” and in that moment

I wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it.

BUT I got through it. Afterward, not only did my fear drastically decrease, but I felt fucking amazing. I did the thing that I was so scared to do and yes, I sucked MAJORLY the first time but I didn’t even care. My life completely changed that day. I think I maybe took Xanax to help me teach about 3-5 times after that until I didn’t need it anymore. Now I can talk all day in front of people on a stage, on camera, on podcasts or anywhere (WITHOUT DRUGS) and it is one of my most favorite things ever.

Since that day I have noticed, the things that scare me are usually closely related to the things that I really want. And I think that might be true for everyone. If there is something you really want, and in order to have it you have to do something that scares you, I think that you should do it. Run toward whatever that that scary thing is because something incredible is on the other side.

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